You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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