If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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