Do you still have your period?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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