i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
