I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
