You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
