this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The adults are the big ones right?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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