So drunk its hurt
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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