i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
