no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
