at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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