you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
