I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
