Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
