Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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