the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Randomize
