Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
