Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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