Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
