Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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