i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
