I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
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Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
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The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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