At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
