Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
