Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
