im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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