BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I am naked and annoyed.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
