I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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