I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
