You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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