We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
COCAINE IS GR8
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
