My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
