I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
