I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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