She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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