Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
