my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
