I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
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Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
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one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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