i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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