guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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