my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
