Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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