we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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