the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
