On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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