she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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