i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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