If that was your dad, he is hot
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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