i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
