I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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