Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
