Me too!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
