At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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