I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
