im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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