id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
