All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My dick has a subreddit
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
