Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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