it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
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I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
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But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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