The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
