i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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